To experience the death of someone close is to experience a shift in reality of what you knew to be true. Your world changes and you change.

The loss of someone you care about shakes the foundation you stand on and  may create a sense of being disconnected, disorientated and confused.

Right after the death, it may appear as if time slows down. You may find yourself feeling exhausted, unable to eat or keep food down. You find that your physical motions have slowed and it is difficult to concentrate or focus. You are "going through the motions" in your day without really connecting. You are in a fog of grief.You may find your thoughts are ruminating on the last weeks, days, hours of your loved ones life. You may find yourself second guessing decisions made, conversations had or not had. Guilt can creep in at this time or regret for missed moments.These are all normal parts of grief. It is important to tell yourself "this is part of the process that I have to go through". No one wants to go through this and many try to avoid the pain of loss, but it is normal and will change over time.

As time goes on, your grief will change and you may feel as if it is getting more difficult. The early place of shock has worn off and the deep pain of loss settles in. This can cause more confusion. I have heard many times from clients "I thought I was doing better and now I cry all the time" or "its been 4 months why am I still crying". Grief is not linear. It does not follow a straight path. It is twisted with hills and valleys. Sometimes there is a flat stretch which leads to a blind curve that puts a mountain right in front of you. It is important to tell yourself "this is part of the process and this is normal". No one wants to go through the pain but it is normal and will change over time.

It may seem what you are feeling at this moment will never change. That is okay. Be patient with yourself.

 Everyone is unique in their grief. Your experience is personal, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief is a life long process. Your capacity to hold your grief will grow and acceptance of a new normal will come over time.

Normal Grief Reactions

You may find that you are experiencing some or all of these:

• disorientation, confusion
• sleeping too much or too little
• lack of appetite or eating more
• crying
• restlessness
• sadness
• anger
• irritability
  
• hopelessness
• relief
• fearfulness
• guilt
• resentment
• body aches
• headaches
• emptyness inside or something is missing
• peace
• yearning
• loneliness

 Remember these are normal and most people find they go away over time.

What You Can Do

In the beginning it is important to take care of your physical needs. Your body will need extra rest. If you are having difficulty sleeping at night, rest during the day when possible. Try to give yourself nutrition even if you can't eat solid foods, drink smoothies. Grief makes our bodies susceptible to illness and injuries. If you are feeling confused or unsteady on your feet, ask someone to drive you places and use extra care when walking.Talk to your doctor if symptoms increase. If you have gone back to work, do not place high expectations on yourself for performance.You may not be able to focus or multitask as before. This will change over time but it is important you do not put this added stress on yourself. Talk to the people you work with and let them know you may need their support during this time.

Find someone to talk to. It is important to talk about your loved one and what you are going through. Some people find it hard to talk to family members. There are many reasons why this happens. We may want to protect our families or appear we are "strong". Some people feel they are burdening their family with their sadness or that family members no longer want to hear about it. Support groups and grief counselors can be helpful during this time.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."

                                                                           ~ Washington Irving

                                          

Please contact me for a free initial session

TonyaSemasMFT@gmail.com

925-695-1149